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Despite how progressive society today may seem, there are so many elements that remain truly backwards. And, appreciating the female as he did, Whistle Pig could not make peace with how many of the world’s decisions fall solely to men. And because drinkers of truly fine whiskey always stand for what is right, Whistle Pig sought to teach the Old Boys some new tricks.

Today he was on his way to a very important building in a very important city where a group of very important men gathered to decide very important things.

When he slammed open the great wooden doors, silence took the room. Whistle Pig cleared his throat, not self-consciously, and stepped into the cavernous space. He proceeded to the podium and waved aside the master of ceremonies with a flick of his wrist. Aware of the snickers that were beginning to erupt, he fed their antagonism with a slow twirl, that they might take him in.

Whistle Pig did not have the figure for the dress he was wearing. Moreover, labor day was weeks past and his white patent leather heels were hardly appropriate—beyond seasonal faux pas, however, they did nothing to flatter his thick shapeless ankles.

“I love women,” began the be-dragged Pig to his bewildered audience. “I love skinny women and fat women and tall women and women that come hardly up to my ribcage. I love women with careers and lazy women and even women who chew gum too loudly, though God knows I hate a man who smacks. I love the woman at the massage parlor who smells like grapefruits and the woman at the market who sells grapefruits, and the woman at the bank who, not to be crude, has a chest like grapefruits. And if you will allow me in here in this dress looking not half as good as a woman might in it, then I see no reason for a woman not to come in here in a suit and tie, looking twice as good as you all look in yours.”

And Ms. Sanger and Ms. Roosevelt and Ms. Freidan all raised a glass to the Pig among the rest of the swine that was not too dense to grasp the big picture.

Whistle Pig believed in equality for all; except, of course, for those who did not drink his whiskey, who were obviously inferior.